So you wanna know?

Since I still have not done a follow up to my six months of no dating that I completed a little while ago, I decided to turn an answer to a formspring.com question into a blog.

Someone asked me:

Are you truly happy without guys? It seems like your trying to be positive, but you really miss a man in your life.


Here is my response:

I believe God put in all of us the desire for companionship, and I think I will always have this desire, whether I'm meant to marry or not. So am I fully satisfied in this sense? No. I'd much rather be in a God centered relationship with a man that loves the Lord, has good qualities, and the relationship is potentially headed for marriage in the future.

Do I get lonely sometimes without a relationship? Absolutely, especially since I am back in the desert feeling like I have few friends. Do I try to find my joy in Jesus and remember only He can make me complete? Yes. Do I try to be happy without a man? Yep. Does it work all the time? Nope, but my life isn't perfect.

I may seem like I focus on the opposite sex way too much, and maybe that's true. But you also have to realize why I do:

1. My heart has been badly broken. Twice, in the past 9 months. This doesn't just go away. I've been broken. One by a guy I truly was falling in love with and thought the relationship might one day end in marriage. The other by a guy I always thought the most of and was smitten with for a long time. This guy proceeded to use this to his advantage, got my hopes up, and then broke them down.

So do I have trust issues? Yes. Does this dominate my thoughts too often? Perhaps. I'm still dealing with both of these heartbreaks and as much as I'd like it to magically go away, that's not always the case.

2. I took the time out for six months to abstain from dating. You know how when you are addicted to something and then it's taken away, that's what your thoughts tend to go towards? Same with this. Was I addicted, I wouldn't say so, but when it's taken away, you tend to focus on it.

3. I believe my singleness is a gift right now, to better myself, to prepare myself for my future husband, and to grow closer to Christ. So I'm reading books on this. It's what I think about.

4. I'm young, single, and stupid guys that don't have their priorities straight tend to approach me. This frustrates me. Am I out deliberately looking for a guy? No. But do you hear about these guys? Yes, because I get frustrated with these guys and feel as if the right guy is taking forever. Yes, yes I know I am impatient sometimes and I'm working on it.

5. My ultimate dream goal, God willing, is to one day be a marriage counselor. So do I contemplate on marriages? Yes. Do I read up on tips for a successful marriage? Yes. Do I talk about this and share links and quotes? You bet. I don't have a single healthy marriage to look up to in this family, so I want to make sure I prepare myself to have the best. Am I too young for this? It's a matter of opinion. I know I won't be a marriage counselor until I have many years of experience in my own, but it's never too early to learn about God centered marriages and what works and what doesn't. So when you are quick to judge me on contemplating on marriage too soon, I'm not just thinking about myself, I'm thinking about my future career. Could this goal change in a couple years? Perhaps, but for the past couple years it's what I've felt like I'm called to do.