A few days ago marked the halfway point of my commitment to remaining single. I cannot believe I’ve already made it halfway. I would have to say, since I last wrote about my commitment, my sanity is back. Last month was a bit crazy mentally, but since then I have been reminded and learned many things. For starters, I’ve been reminded sometimes God does not make His answers clear. Sometimes it takes talking to a person about your feelings to get an answer and some of your sanity back. I’ve also learned that maybe someone I’ve been so wrapped up in isn’t the person I’m meant to be with or at least not right now. Realizing that brings such a peace of mind and let’s me focus more on God rather than spending so much energy dwelling on some one that isn’t even right for me at the moment.
I’ve also realized this month another reason to be thankful for the past relationship I was in, more wisdom and experience. The whole time dating, my boyfriend at the time was dating with a purpose and I thought I was too. As our relationship progressed and I really started falling for him, my reasoning was beginning to get clouded by how amazing I thought he was and how much I enjoyed being in a relationship with him. Don’t get me wrong, he was and still is an amazing person, and has so many qualities I love, but while we were together I wasn’t focusing much on whether he was personally right for me. That didn’t mean I didn’t think we were going to end up together and he was going to be the one at the end of the isle waiting for me to walk down in a beautiful white dress, because I did. But during our relationship I didn’t contemplate if he was personally the right match for me. I knew he was an amazing guy and didn’t like to dwell on aspects that could have not made us the perfect fit. From the beginning, the bigger signs that he wasn’t going to be the perfect husband for me I pushed into the back of my head.
Which brings me to a conclusion of one of the things I’ve learned from this past relationship. I need to always be looking to see if I’m really compatible with a person before even beginning to give my heart away. To really get to know them and see if they have the things I’m looking for, before falling for them. I could have saved myself a whole lot of heartbreak, aka thinking it’s the end of the world, just by following this. So many times it’s easy to fall for a Godly man. I don’t blame every girl that does it. But I’ve realized that just because a man is remarkable doesn’t mean he is perfectly right for me. There are good Godly guys out there, but that doesn’t mean I should think that every Godly guy that I enjoy being with is meant for me. Some guys are meant to be in my life purely for fellowship.
I had to learn this lesson the hard way, but isn’t that normally how it goes? It still hurts sometimes knowing this good guy with a pure heart that I enjoy spending time with isn’t right for me. The good part of the story is that he is proof there are good guys out there and God is sculpting and shaping my future husband into the man he needs to be right now. Plus frankly, if we had worked out, I would never have made it to this point in my walk with God, so it’s a WIN-WIN situation if you look at it that way. I have many more thoughts, but don’t even know how to begin to sort them out so expect a couple more blogs soon :)
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