GOD IS INTIMATE.

So you wanna know?

Since I still have not done a follow up to my six months of no dating that I completed a little while ago, I decided to turn an answer to a formspring.com question into a blog.

Someone asked me:

Are you truly happy without guys? It seems like your trying to be positive, but you really miss a man in your life.


Here is my response:

I believe God put in all of us the desire for companionship, and I think I will always have this desire, whether I'm meant to marry or not. So am I fully satisfied in this sense? No. I'd much rather be in a God centered relationship with a man that loves the Lord, has good qualities, and the relationship is potentially headed for marriage in the future.

Do I get lonely sometimes without a relationship? Absolutely, especially since I am back in the desert feeling like I have few friends. Do I try to find my joy in Jesus and remember only He can make me complete? Yes. Do I try to be happy without a man? Yep. Does it work all the time? Nope, but my life isn't perfect.

I may seem like I focus on the opposite sex way too much, and maybe that's true. But you also have to realize why I do:

1. My heart has been badly broken. Twice, in the past 9 months. This doesn't just go away. I've been broken. One by a guy I truly was falling in love with and thought the relationship might one day end in marriage. The other by a guy I always thought the most of and was smitten with for a long time. This guy proceeded to use this to his advantage, got my hopes up, and then broke them down.

So do I have trust issues? Yes. Does this dominate my thoughts too often? Perhaps. I'm still dealing with both of these heartbreaks and as much as I'd like it to magically go away, that's not always the case.

2. I took the time out for six months to abstain from dating. You know how when you are addicted to something and then it's taken away, that's what your thoughts tend to go towards? Same with this. Was I addicted, I wouldn't say so, but when it's taken away, you tend to focus on it.

3. I believe my singleness is a gift right now, to better myself, to prepare myself for my future husband, and to grow closer to Christ. So I'm reading books on this. It's what I think about.

4. I'm young, single, and stupid guys that don't have their priorities straight tend to approach me. This frustrates me. Am I out deliberately looking for a guy? No. But do you hear about these guys? Yes, because I get frustrated with these guys and feel as if the right guy is taking forever. Yes, yes I know I am impatient sometimes and I'm working on it.

5. My ultimate dream goal, God willing, is to one day be a marriage counselor. So do I contemplate on marriages? Yes. Do I read up on tips for a successful marriage? Yes. Do I talk about this and share links and quotes? You bet. I don't have a single healthy marriage to look up to in this family, so I want to make sure I prepare myself to have the best. Am I too young for this? It's a matter of opinion. I know I won't be a marriage counselor until I have many years of experience in my own, but it's never too early to learn about God centered marriages and what works and what doesn't. So when you are quick to judge me on contemplating on marriage too soon, I'm not just thinking about myself, I'm thinking about my future career. Could this goal change in a couple years? Perhaps, but for the past couple years it's what I've felt like I'm called to do.

Sweetheart...

Dear Sweetheart,

For many years I sought to find my most perfect mate, but all that ever resulted from my search were shattered dreams, a broken heart and what seemed to be an endless wait. I wanted to find God’s very best, but first He had to teach me that in His loving hands, I must solely rest.

So one evening I prayed, “God, just as you put Adam to sleep until the perfect one for him, he was ready to meet; so put me and my desires to sleep until I too am ready to know the one you have chosen for me.”

From that time forward God gave me a peace. And although others came into my life God protected my heart and spared me from more strife. Then when God knew that in His hands I had placed my heart, He brought you into my life and I was history from the start.

My dear friends who know me well perhaps see tomorrow as a miraculous day. For they have known me and all my picky ways. Once while in the dorm, A.M. came into my room and asked me just exactly what I was looking for in a man. I ran to my diary and pulled out a list of 30 qualities I was looking for and on which I would insist.

As I read each trait one by one, Dear A.M. looked at me, she was very stunned. After pondering the list she said with a nod, “ Well Cindy, looks like you’ll have to marry God.” Well, God you are not, but my Heaven on earth you are. God heard my prayers and answered them in the most perfect way with you.

I have no unanswered questions, no doubts, no hesitations, no reservations.

You are my Prince Charming, my knight in shining armor, my gift from the sea, my gift from God.”

~Cindy Jordan Feldewerth


Ladies, it can happen! It's happened with numerous women. We just have to be patient and wait upon the Lord. I know it's hard, I struggle with it daily. But we have to remember:

His timing, not ours.

His arrangement, not ours.

His planning, not ours.

What does your Prince Charming look like to you?

Don't settle for less than God's best.

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
~Psalm 37:4

Your Prince Charming is worth the wait.

God is so good! I just want to scream it from the mountain tops! It's not even anything majorly in particular, just the way He works in my life is amazing!

Shout it!

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from Heaven above
With wisdom power and love
our God is an awesome God!

"I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait"

Challenge.

So I did a Wellness Program a little while ago, and loved the results. It was really nice seeing friends I hadn't seen in awhile notice my results the other day. Problem? I've been slacking off since the program ended and am slowly starting to go back to where I was before. So I figured I would challenge myself to get moving again. I'm going to try to do the P90X Ab Ripper 3 days a week for a whole month. Then a couple of the other days hit the gym. Hopefully, setting a smaller goal of a month will help me get back into the swing of things. Plus, if I'm working out again I'm going to want to cheat less on the eating part. Just hope my knee can handle it. The doctors say to take it slow, but I don't like to just run a mile, seems pointless. Hopefully I can get creative and at least get moving than sitting around.

journal.

Hannah and I are truly sisters or something. She knows exactly what I need when I need it. Whether it’s a phone call when I’m feeling down, or just something small and thoughtful. I started a prayer journal recently, just in a spiral notebook. I’ve been meaning to get a nicer journal, but me being indecisive and left handed wouldn’t have gotten very far. I didn’t know what type of journal to get, and being left-handed I find most journals hard to write in. When I went to Biola this past Friday Hannah surprised me with this journal. She said she thought me as soon as she saw it. I just love her!



So besides Hannah being amazing, so is God! I’ve tried journaling before, earlier this year back in October, but didn’t stick with it very long. I’m more determined than ever this time to continue with it this time. Not only have I started this, but also reading the Bible. Like really reading the Bible. Not just a chapter here and a chapter there, but really reading it. My goal is to read the whole Old Testament in about 3 months. I’m currently taking an Old Testament Bible class online through Moody, but even they don’t require you reading the whole thing. I’ve decided to make it a goal by the end of the class to read it anyways. To be honest, I’m not sure if I’ve completed reading even any book of the Bible straight through. It’s incredible just how great Genesis is! It’s also strangely very relatable to my life. Just reading about God’s promises and following through with them is amazing! Even though this journey I’ve started seems at times, time consuming, it’s well worth it already. God’s already changed my attitude towards things just in this short amount of time. It’s amazing what God will do in your life if you actually give Him the time of day! I still am not certain though exactly how this journal should be layed out, lately I’ve just been writing down prayer requests for others, then myself, and praises. So if anyone keeps one and has a great idea then please do share it!